People often ask, "What's it like being a stand-up comedian?" This is like asking someone with a compulsive disorder, "What's it like washing your hands 93 times a day?" Like comedy, it may feel wonderful as you lather up, but in the end all you have is chapped skin and a deep sense of foreboding. I can tell you this: Stand-up is not glamorous. People are used to seeing celebrities on the red carpet, lip gloss poppin' like a backup dancer in a Gucci Mane video. They are less accustomed to seeing celebrities in line at Starbucks with a murderous cowlick, or stumbling through the Detroit airport with a four-alarm hangover, moaning like a zombie on the hunt for brains.Yet this is what life on the road is like: inedible room service, inoperable gym equipment, banshee infants braying next door, an interminable parade of fart-noising Morning Zoos. It is not for the faint of heart, or for those who don't find fart noises hilarious. Show less «

Stick your finger in the hole.

Shit will blow up.

[on doing voice-over work on Archer (2009)] It's a workplace comedy. And even though all the characters are extreme and they're spies and they've killed people and they're all drunk and they're incredibly sexually unscrupulous, it's a dynamic everybody recognizes. The show doesn't underestimate its audience or speak down to its audience. It's incredibly literate, it's incredibly smart, and it doesn't assume that the audience won't get the references. Show less «