[Asked by Elle magazine, "If you had to spend the rest of your life as a woman, who would you be?"] "Elizabeth Birch of the Human Rights Campaign, because you'd be presiding over an organization of thousands of lesbians, some of them quite good-looking." [The follow-up question: "What do women want?"] "They want to be listened to, protected, and amused. And they want to be spanked vigorously every once in a while." Show less «

[on the September 26, 2003 Crossfire (1982), he told James Carville of North Carolina Senator John Edwards, who became the running mate of John Kerry in the 2004 presidential campaign:] "John Edwards might have been a promising senator. Now, his political career is over. You're not even going to respond to that, because you know it's true. ... He's not going to be the nominee and he's not running for the Senate again. ... He'll go back to chasing ambulances" [from CNN.com transcript]. Show less «

On the September 25, 2003 Crossfire (1982), Carlson said, "Score one for any yuppie community. They've won the right to trample on free speech. Congress is bypassing yesterday's court ruling to put the national do-not-call list on hold and today, passed a new law designed to hang up on telemarketers once and for all. When callers-in dared him to give out his own phone number, Carlson gave a phone number and said, "You can reach me there any time. That's fine. I've defended telemarketers. Feel free to call me. Someone is always there. But the next day, September 26, 2003, he had to confess, "Well, on yesterday's program on telemarketing, some of you may have seen it. I jokingly gave out what I said was my home phone number. In fact, it was the main number of the Washington bureau of the Fox News Channel. I thought it was funny. Fox did not think it was funny. Apparently, many of our viewers called that number, hoping to speak to me. Instead, they reached a grouchy Fox switchboard operator. Well, to our viewers, I'm sorry I gave you that bad information, even in jest. Last night, Fox responded by posting on its Web site my unlisted home phone number, the phone number where my wife and four small children often answer the phone, as they did last night, during dinner, when the first of several hundred Fox viewers called to scream obscenities at them into the phone. Fox had every right to be annoyed by what I did, amusing as I thought it was. They had no right to invade my privacy or to enable their followers to threaten my family. [from the CNN.com transcripts] Show less «