James May : [while driving a Bugatti Veyron over 240 mph]  It's no wonder Michael Schumacher retired. He's slower than me!
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James May : What's the Norwegian for "Oh, cock"?

James May : What's the point. You can't powerslide lorries anyway.
Richard Hammond : Technically, you can't powerslide anything.
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[after Richard and James just tested the "Cottage S-Class", a Mercedes S-Class Jeremy has modified to look like the inside of his house including a concrete floor with wood paneling, and indoor chairs] 
Jeremy Clarkson : This is the safest car in the world.
Richard Hammond : I've got a scar!
James May : I've got bruised ribs and a badly barked shin!
Jeremy Clarkson : Listen. You see these endless crash test footage of cars being thumped into concrete blocks and the concrete blocks are never damaged. This is a concrete block!
James May : I would very happily drive this into a concrete block. Turning around on some corners was really dangerous!
Richard Hammond : And another thing. Why did you polish the wooden floor? I was all woo -
[imitates sliding action] 
Jeremy Clarkson : Look! The brilliance of this car is that you're never going fast enough to properly hurt yourself!
Richard Hammond : You're never going fast enough to get where you're going!
James May : Yeah, zero to sixty in, what was it, forty-five seconds.
Jeremy Clarkson : How safe is that?
Richard Hammond : Have you ever been in a dining room going sixty miles an hour?
James May : Do you want me to show what it feels like to get hit in the back of the head with a wingback chair?
Jeremy Clarkson : Look! The problem is taste, okay.
[points to Richard] 
Jeremy Clarkson : If we built a car to look like the inside of your house, it would have a horse in it!
[points to James] 
Jeremy Clarkson : And you. Your house is just full of pictures of the Queen.
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Jeremy Clarkson : Anyway, first award is injury of the year. The nominations are Richard in our "headhammer thrust i-eagle geoff".
[Show a scene where the boys do a crash test on their own electric car which was built by themselves] 
James May : Jeremy making paintball art.
[a scene where Jeremy is being shot at his balls by a paintball which was being fired from the exhaust of an F1 car] 
Richard Hammond : And James on a gang plank in Bolivia.
[a scene where James trip on a plank hurting his balls as he was walking on the plank that leads to the boat] 
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James May : [looking through the survey results]  I've just noticed, looking though these results, that ten of the thirteen bottom cars are French.
Jeremy Clarkson : That's possibly why they're burning them in Paris at the moment!
James May : I think they're just catching fire by themselves!
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[repeated line] 
James May : Bloody Nora!

James May : [about Honda S2000]  He's not sure whether he's driving, or in a branch of Dixons.