Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond : [brushing off a collapsed ceiling]  Oh dear! I seem to have got a little plastered!
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Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : Tell Major Shorthouse to call me an elephant.
Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond : He needn't bother I'll do it. You're an elephant!
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The Khasi of Kalabar : [Lady Ruff Diamond has the photograph]  I must take that with me now.
Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond : Then take me with it.
The Khasi of Kalabar : But what about your husband?
Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond : Oh, we don't want him!
The Khasi of Kalabar : Will he not be displeased that you come away with me?
Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond : Oh, of course.
Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond : [tearful]  My poor Sidney will be ever so upset!
The Khasi of Kalabar : Oh, do not worry unduly, before many days he and the others will all be dead.
Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond : [happy]  Oh well, that's all right then, innit!
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[the British outpost at the Khyber Pass has been attacked] 
Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond : Oh! How awful! What can have happened ?
Captain Keene : I don't like making guesses, but I wouldn't be surprised if there hadn't been a spot of foul play here.
Missionary : Foul play? Look at them! Lying around like a lot of unwanted cocktail snacks!
Private Jimmy Widdle : Ginger!
Missionary : Who is?
Private Jimmy Widdle : He is. Ginger, my mate.
Sergeant-Major MacNutt : Private Hale ?
Private Jimmy Widdle : Yes, Ginger Hale. Hello, Ginge. It's me, Jimmy. Your old mate, Jimmy Widdle.
Private Ginger Hale : Jimmy? Is it you? My old mate?
Private Jimmy Widdle : Ginge, mate! How do you feel?
Private Ginger Hale : Oh, not so good. I think I've been wounded.
Private Jimmy Widdle : Only here and there.
Private Ginger Hale : Jimmy, I can trust you. Now, give it to me straight. Am I going to be all right?
Private Jimmy Widdle : Of course not, Ginge mate.
Private Ginger Hale : Eh?
Private Jimmy Widdle : I said, "Of course not, Ginge mate."
Private Ginger Hale : I'm not going to be all right?
Private Jimmy Widdle : Well, how could you be, with half a dozen dirty great holes in you? You've had it.
Private Ginger Hale : You're a bleeding fine mate, I must say.
Private Jimmy Widdle : What do you mean? You asked me to give it to you straight.
Private Ginger Hale : Yeah, but I didn't mean you to. You horrible little runt, you!
Sergeant-Major MacNutt : That's enough! Widdle, you're a great little comfort to a dying man, aren't you? Now listen, Hale, it's Sergeant-Major MacNutt. What happened, lad?
Private Ginger Hale : They attacked about a half-hour ago, Sir. Hundreds of them.
[He belches] 
Private Ginger Hale : Burpas! They... they... oooh!
[Hale faints. Sergeant-Major MacNutt shakes his head sadly] 
Private Jimmy Widdle : Oh, no! Ginge! Ginge, mate! I'm sorry, I... Poor old mate!
[Widdle gently covers Hale's body with a greatcoat. Hale throws it off] 
Private Ginger Hale : That's right! Bleeding well suffocate me!
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Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond : [watching polo game]  Ooh, I say! He did not 'alf crack that one, did he not?
Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond : Dearest, if you can't express yourself in more elegant terms, kindly shut your cakehole
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