Hope Springs : It's not her fault she has to wear a falsie.
Sid Fiddler : What do you mean, "a" falsie?
Hope Springs : She's got one bigger than the other.
Sid Fiddler : Is that right?
Hope Springs : No, left.
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Connie Philpotts : It's your girls I'm talking about, I've heard them all night long, doors banging ...
Sid Fiddler : Blimey, when you've got young dollies around you have to expect a bit of banging.
Connie Philpotts : Well, I expect you to get them into bed at a reasonable hour.
Sid Fiddler : I promise you, I'll do my very best!
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Augusta Prodworthy : And since I am strongly of the opinion that we are already providing more than enough entertainment for visitors, I wish to propose the motion that the provision of more would be detrimental to the good name of the borough.
Sid Fiddler : Knickers!
Mayor Frederick Bumble : Please, Councillor! I should strike that from the minutes, Miss Drew.
Miss Drew : Ah, I beg your pardon, your worship?
Mayor Frederick Bumble : Don't take down 'knickers'.
Sid Fiddler : Chance would be a fine thing, wouldn't it, love?
Mayor Frederick Bumble : Councillor Fiddler, I really must request you moderate your language while in committee.
Augusta Prodworthy : I second that.
Sid Fiddler : I do beg the Committee's pardon, your worship. But all this bleedin' codswollop about mucking up the good name of the borough gets on my wick!
Miss Drew : Should I...?
Mayor Frederick Bumble : No, no!
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Connie Philpotts : You and a bunch of beauty queens? It's like asking Dracula to be in charge of a blood bank!
Sid Fiddler : Now, now, wait a minute, that's not true. You know I don't go for beautiful women: I like you.
Connie Philpotts : That does it! Go on! You lecherous so-and-so, go on, GET OUT!
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Ida Downs : What do you want us to wear?
Sid Fiddler : Oh, anything that brings out your best... points Miss...?
Ida Downs : Downs, Ida Downs.
Sid Fiddler : Ah, I bet you come from Beds.
Ida Downs : No - Bristol.
Sid Fiddler : I should have guessed.
Ida Downs : I've got a rather smashing two-piece swimsuit.
Sid Fiddler : Great - just wear one piece of that!
Ida Downs : Will they publish pictures like that?
Larry : Not in my paper!
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Ida Downs : Oh! You're a dirty old man!
Admiral : [to Connie]  Mrs. Philpotts, I wish to complain. This young woman molested me.
Ida Downs : Well, I like that!
Admiral : Whether you like it or not, my dear, is quite immaterial.
Sid Fiddler : [to Ida]  Yes, all right, darling, I'll sort it out.
Admiral : Cheeky little thing! I'd like to put her across my knee.
Connie Philpotts : I'm sure you would, Admiral!
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Sid Fiddler : Connie, have you got a room for this young lady please?
Connie Philpotts : Well, of course, Sidney!
[Handing over the key] 
Connie Philpotts : I think you'll find this an ideal one.
Sid Fiddler : Thank you, Connie. Hey, just a minute, that's for the broom cupboard.
Connie Philpotts : That's right: where we keep all the scrubbers!
Sid Fiddler : [to a furious Hope]  All right, all right, keep your hair on!
[Hands her another key] 
Sid Fiddler : Here, go and change in mine. I'll sort it out later.
Hope Springs : Ta. I heard that - does she fancy you or something?
Sid Fiddler : You know how it is, a widow with a place like this, things get on top of her.
Hope Springs : Yeah, I bet they do. Frequently!
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