Blind Al : Listen to the pain. It's both history teacher and fortune teller. Pain teaches us who we are, Wade. Sometimes it's so bad we feel like we're dying, but we can't really live until we die a little, can we?
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[after Wade's legs were torn off, they're growing back and look like toddler legs. Weasel walks in on him sitting on the couch with no pants on next to Blind Al] 
Weasel : Why wouldn't you cover that up?
Wade Wilson : A warrior has nothing to be ashamed of.
Weasel : Yeah, but you do. I mean, look at you, you're just straight shirt-cocking it? Toddler style?
Wade Wilson : Oh yeah. Full Winnie the Pooh.
Blind Al : The hell's happening? Describe it.
Wade Wilson : I wouldn't ask him to do that if I were you.
Weasel : It's like, um...
Wade Wilson : Here we go.
Weasel : It's like he was giving birth anally but they quit halfway through. They got the legs out and said "You know what? I'm done."
Wade Wilson : [to Blind Al]  Happy?
Weasel : It's like he's a Muppet from the waist down, but this time, you can see the Muppet's dick. Grover's got a cock the size of a...
[Dopinder comes in] 
Dopinder : AH! Oh, no, no, no, DP, not again.
Weasel : This has happened before?
[Dopinder starts gagging] 
Weasel : Jesus, either vomit or don't. The indecision is killing me.
Blind Al : Why couldn't God take my hearing?
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Blind Al : Sweetheart, can you speak up? It's a little hard to hear you with that pity-dick in your mouth.
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Blind Al : Sweetheart, could you speak up? I can't hear you with that pity dick in your mouth.