Capt. S. Melly : You up there! What's your name?
Bombardier Ready : Ready, sir.
Capt. S. Melly : Ready? Ready... Willing... Able... This is ridiculous.
[Ready twitches] 
Capt. S. Melly : What are you doing?
Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : [shouts]  Twitching, Sir!
Capt. S. Melly : I can see that Sergeant Major, but why is he twitching?
Bombardier Ready : It's me nerves, Sir!
Capt. S. Melly : Trying to twitch your ticket, eh? Well, it won't work, Bombardier. You're in the army for the duration. Twitch your way out of that!
[Bombardier Ready keeps twitching] 
Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : Twitch off!
[Leans closer] 
Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : Wasted on me, boy!
Capt. S. Melly : Good man, and what's your name?
Gunner Shorthouse : Gunner Shorthouse.
[Melly reacts] 
Gunner Shorthouse : Gunner Shorthouse, Sir, that's my name!
[Melly moves along the line] 
Capt. S. Melly : And what is your name, my man? Er... woman.
Pvt. Ffoukes Sharpe : Jennifer Ffoukes Sharpe, Sir, the Sharpe with an E and two F's in the Ffoukes. How do you do?
[Pvt Ffoukes crushes Capt S. Melly's hand while shaking it] 
Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : [Leaning in]  She too is also a ball squeezer, Sir.
Capt. S. Melly : Do your shoelace up and look sharp about it, Sharpe.
[She does so. before grabbing Sgt Maj Bloomer's leg and biting it] 
Pvt. Ffoukes Sharpe : [Standing up]  Oh, Tiger! I think you wonderful. When are you going to savage me?
Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : If only you was a man I would sort you out!
Capt. S. Melly : [Pointing to Pvt. Owen's foot]  Well, you seem to have put your foot in it!
Gunner Owen : Not so much my foot, Sir, more my big toe.
Capt. S. Melly : What's wrong with your big toe?
Gunner Owen : Sprained it, Sir, didn't I, when I fell out of bed.
Sgt. Maj. Tiger Bloomer : [shouts]  Pushed out of bed, more like!
Capt. S. Melly : [Turns to Bloomer]  Pushed out of bed, Sgt Maj?
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Capt. S. Melly : Are you a ventriloquist?
Bombardier Ready : Oh no. Church of England.

Sgt. Len Able : How you feeling, son?
Bombardier Ready : It's just as though those explosions have reverberated all through my body.
Sgt. Len Able : Well, just so long as your helmets not damaged.
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Sgt. Len Able : He's not going to get away with it - making us sweat like that!
Bombardier Ready : What do you mean - *us*?
Sgt. Len Able : All right - He's not going to get away with making *you* sweat like this.
Gunner Shorthouse : But he *is* getting away with it!
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