All about Will Truman, Himself (Will) on Tornado Movies! List of films with a character: Will and Grace

[while watching basketball on TV]
Grace : Have you seen Matt yet?
Will : Yeah, he's right th...Show more »

[while watching basketball on TV]
Grace : Have you seen Matt yet?
Will : Yeah, he's right there, right on the sidelines. Just four clicks left of Spike Lee. Just right beside that little girl and her grandpa.
Jack : Uh, that's Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas.
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Will : No, no. I don't want to have sex with you.
Jack : Oh, Will that wasn't sex. Okay, how do I...Show more »

Will : No, no. I don't want to have sex with you.
Jack : Oh, Will that wasn't sex. Okay, how do I explain this? Okay, when a man and a man love each other very much...
Will : No, no... Psychic Sue said I was going to spend the rest of my life with a guy named Jack.
Jack : Jack who?
Will : Jack you.
Jack : Jack me?
Will : No thanks.
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Jack : I fooled around with Josh.
Grace : What?
Jack : Remember when I told you that there was...Show more »

Jack : I fooled around with Josh.
Grace : What?
Jack : Remember when I told you that there was something about Josh that I couldn't put my finger on? Well, I put my finger in it.
Will : There was a saying on the island. Mana Na Kalaka. Kana Makalui.
Grace : What does that mean?
Will : I don't know. I just can't believe you ended up with another gay guy.
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[Will and Jack have bought a place in the country and are now trying to escape their crazy neighbour...Show more »

[Will and Jack have bought a place in the country and are now trying to escape their crazy neighbours]
Will : Come on, Jack, let's try the back door.
Jack : Will Truman! Coming on to me at a time like this!
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Will : Got a hot date?
Jack : No, but the guy who's dating me does.

Grace : Tonight I'm gonna be better. I know it. Look, I've been playing with myself and I feel much ...Show more »

Grace : Tonight I'm gonna be better. I know it. Look, I've been playing with myself and I feel much more confident.
Will : Funny, it just makes me feel sleepy.
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Will : Ben Doucette, Karen Walker.
Ben Doucette : I know Mrs. Walker.
Karen : Oh, yeah... I re...Show more »

Will : Ben Doucette, Karen Walker.
Ben Doucette : I know Mrs. Walker.
Karen : Oh, yeah... I remember you. Stan and I met you at the Whitney opening. You were the bartender. Yeah.
Ben Doucette : No, you just gave me your drink order.
Karen : Yeah... and I'm still waiting for it.
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Grace : The only reason you were offered a job, is so that he can slither out of the lawsuit.
Wil...Show more »

Grace : The only reason you were offered a job, is so that he can slither out of the lawsuit.
Will : Of course. That ruthless bastard offered me a 5-year contract, paid vacation, a huge signing bonus, all to make a dispute over slipcovers go away. How could I have been so blind.
Grace : Why do your people always go to sarcasm first?
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[Will is walking Grace down the aisle]
Will : This may be the wrong time to tell you this, but ...Show more »

[Will is walking Grace down the aisle]
Will : This may be the wrong time to tell you this, but I'm straight.
Grace : Don't make me laugh, I'm being photographed.
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[Val is making obscene positions in the elevator]
Will : Val? What are you doing?
Val : Oh, ...Show more »

[Val is making obscene positions in the elevator]
Will : Val? What are you doing?
Val : Oh, nothing, just a liitle something to the security camera. A liitle gift for the boys in the basement.
Jack : Shut up, I do the same thing.
Will : I hate to disappoint you both, bu that's not a security camera, that's a smoke detector.
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[Will is coming out to his boyfriend's boss, who had thought they were brothers. Earlier, Will and S...Show more »

[Will is coming out to his boyfriend's boss, who had thought they were brothers. Earlier, Will and Stan changed Stan's will without telling Karen and made it so 1/3 of his money would go to charity]
Will : But make no mistake about it, Harry. I am a gay man. I sleep with men. I have no desire to sleep with women... Not now, not ever.
Karen : [entering] You screwed me, Will Truman!
Will : What?
Karen : Oh, don't you play dumb with me. Oh, you stuck it to me but good.
Will : Karen...
Karen : And he is just so comfortable giving it away, aren't ya? Wow. Single mothers. Homeless women. Sally Struthers? You make me sick! I got news for you people, I'm gonna get him in a room, and I am gonna work that little will until I'm satisfied.
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[Will is trying to convince Karen not to fire her pastry chef, whom he has the hots for]
Will :...Show more »

[Will is trying to convince Karen not to fire her pastry chef, whom he has the hots for]
Will : He's a genius. He's an artist. You wouldn't fire Picasso, would you?
Karen : I would, and I did! He put both my breasts on the same side of my body. I wouldn't take that from my plastic surgeon, and I wouldn't take it from him!
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Will : Grace, go to bed. You obviously have had a very busy day of crazy.

Will : That's why I should never meet a legend. It's always disappointing, like the time I met Big B...Show more »

Will : That's why I should never meet a legend. It's always disappointing, like the time I met Big Bird at the Ice Capades. Not so big.
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Grace : Look, my choices were flawless, and if your client can't see that, then he is guilty of extr...Show more »

Grace : Look, my choices were flawless, and if your client can't see that, then he is guilty of extremely bad taste, and isn't that the real crime here today?
Will : Gracie, there is no...
Grace : Objection. The familiar cutening of my name implies we like each other.
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[after hearing from a psychic they will spend the rest of their lives together Will and Jack are set...Show more »

[after hearing from a psychic they will spend the rest of their lives together Will and Jack are setting ground rules]
Will : Sex is out of the question. I don't even like seeing your head poke through your sweater.
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Will : You want to go out tonight? We could grab an Italian. And then go for dinner afterwards.
[...Show more »

Will : You want to go out tonight? We could grab an Italian. And then go for dinner afterwards.
[laughs]
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Will : I have got, pants down, the best birthday present ever.

Will : What, is the whole city gay?
Jack : Not yet, but if all goes according to plan, come tomor...Show more »

Will : What, is the whole city gay?
Jack : Not yet, but if all goes according to plan, come tomorrow morning... muhahaha.
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Will : Their last party was so wild. All I remember is making out with some guy in a hot tub.
Jac...Show more »

Will : Their last party was so wild. All I remember is making out with some guy in a hot tub.
Jack : Me too.
[Long pause]
Will : I really don't really remember that...
Jack : Me neither.
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[Will and Grace are dancing on the roof of a building just before her wedding]
Will : Don't tel...Show more »

[Will and Grace are dancing on the roof of a building just before her wedding]
Will : Don't tell Leo that I had the first dance.
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Will : That's your captain? That's your limo driver.
Karen : Oh, drive a boat, drive a car, drive...Show more »

Will : That's your captain? That's your limo driver.
Karen : Oh, drive a boat, drive a car, drive a plane, as long as I'm drunk, what's the difference?
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Jack : [about a very short guy Leo set Will up with] What we have here, is a pocket gay.
Will :...Show more »

Jack : [about a very short guy Leo set Will up with] What we have here, is a pocket gay.
Will : A pocket gay?
Grace , Karen : A pocket gay?
Jack : A pocket gay.
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Will : [in commercial voice] How do you stop unwanted homosexuals from invading YOUR office?

Will : Okay, final tally is: Me - DE DEEDLE DE DE DE! You - WAH WAH WAAAAAAH!

Jack : You're caring and loving...
Will : You're just saying that to make me feel better.
Jack...Show more »

Jack : You're caring and loving...
Will : You're just saying that to make me feel better.
Jack : No I'm not. I mean, what would I get out of that?
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Ben Doucette : You have till Friday, Will.
Will : Friday... Like in Friday?
Ben Doucette : No,...Show more »

Ben Doucette : You have till Friday, Will.
Will : Friday... Like in Friday?
Ben Doucette : No, Friday like in Thursday, but I'll give you till Friday.
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Will : That sounds fun. What time is it on?
Jack : Uh, not really looking for any Johnny-come-lat...Show more »

Will : That sounds fun. What time is it on?
Jack : Uh, not really looking for any Johnny-come-latelys.
Will : Oh, please, please, please, can't I be a flouncing geek, too?
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Will : No one can stand playing with you. You're bad, you get taco sauce all over the cards, and at ...Show more »

Will : No one can stand playing with you. You're bad, you get taco sauce all over the cards, and at this point you're down so much, you're paying people in turquoise jewelry. And except for Larry, none of us want it.
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Will : Well, good for you, Jack. What's the video about?
Jack : It's a hard hitting look at sexua...Show more »

Will : Well, good for you, Jack. What's the video about?
Jack : It's a hard hitting look at sexual harassment in the workplace.
Will : Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. I'm sorry, Jack. Sexual harassment? Starring the guy that asked his coworker at Starbucks if he had 2 nipples for a dime?
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[Jack has been annoying Will]
Jack : Ooh. Barracuda. What crawled up your culottes?
Will : N...Show more »

[Jack has been annoying Will]
Jack : Ooh. Barracuda. What crawled up your culottes?
Will : Nothing crawled up my culottes. It's just that you're two inches from my head, polluting my brain with your inane ramblings and buzzing through those chips like some queer gopher.
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Will : Jack, just pour the milk. It's cereal, not dynamite.

Will : Grace, if you want to lose weight, try my diet. Whenever I want to eat I have a friend come o...Show more »

Will : Grace, if you want to lose weight, try my diet. Whenever I want to eat I have a friend come over and steal my food.
Jack , Grace : He's talking about you.
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Will : Grace, you are in no way to blame for your sisters metabolism. Or her epic ass.

Will : So, what do you think about my therapist?
Grace : I like him. I like him like I like the S...Show more »

Will : So, what do you think about my therapist?
Grace : I like him. I like him like I like the Statue of Liberty. I know he's there but I don't need to see him all the time.
Will : Interesting analogy.
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Will : You know, the female reproductive system is so amazing. It's a miracle, really. So complex. S...Show more »

Will : You know, the female reproductive system is so amazing. It's a miracle, really. So complex. So beautiful.Yow! What is that thing? God! It looks like the bad guy in a science fiction movie.
Grace : Oh, please. Like your stuff looks like a box full of kittens? It don't.
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Will : If I was going to have sex with a woman it'd be Hillary Swank... or Tobey Maguire.

Will : "Pansexual"? Isn't that a rest stop on the road to "homo"?

Will : Jack, we're going to slap such a lawsuit on her she won't know what hit her... or I could jus...Show more »

Will : Jack, we're going to slap such a lawsuit on her she won't know what hit her... or I could just pants you in public. I'm gonnna go with that.
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Jack : This makes me feel like a man.
Will : Yeah.
Jack : No, seriously, I'm going to need a m...Show more »

Jack : This makes me feel like a man.
Will : Yeah.
Jack : No, seriously, I'm going to need a man after we're done.
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Will : Oh, I can't believe this. This is only the most important thing we've done together and you f...Show more »

Will : Oh, I can't believe this. This is only the most important thing we've done together and you flake out on me. I don't know why that's surprising, you're a flake.
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Grace : All I asked for was one month, one month to see where this is going.
Will : Oh let me tel...Show more »

Grace : All I asked for was one month, one month to see where this is going.
Will : Oh let me tell you where this is going. You'll end up hating him in three weeks because, I don't know, he has a weird chest hair pattern, or he doesn't like watching E... Or he'll end up hating you because you're too needy. Then you'll fall apart, I'll pick you up, and then magically, you'll be ready to have a baby.
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Jack : You sure you don't want to go to Joe and Larry's kid's party? You'll tower over people.
Wi...Show more »

Jack : You sure you don't want to go to Joe and Larry's kid's party? You'll tower over people.
Will : I do like to feel tall.
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Grace : I don't like the view.
Will : You just don't like Ben.
Grace : That's right the view o...Show more »

Grace : I don't like the view.
Will : You just don't like Ben.
Grace : That's right the view of Ben.
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Will : The last thing I need in my life right now is somebody else's drama
[Grace opens door to r...Show more »

Will : The last thing I need in my life right now is somebody else's drama
[Grace opens door to reveal Jack]
Jack : My wife is cheating on me, my life is ruined, Will help me!
Grace : Enter the drama queen, exit the neighbor.
[Grace exits]
Jack : Can you believe this? She wants to divorce me and marry Gardener! I'm out on the street!
Will : That's shocking. Is there any way you can tell me about this without screeching like a howler monkey?
Jack : [extremely high pitched] You know what, I don't need you! I have plenty of friends who would be more than happy to help me through this! Goodbye!
[Long pause, neither moves]
Will : You don't even pretend to leave anymore, do you?
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Karen : Look at that.
Will : Karen that's your thigh.
Karen : I know. Pretty good isn't it.Show more »

Karen : Look at that.
Will : Karen that's your thigh.
Karen : I know. Pretty good isn't it.
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[Watching the first gay kiss on network TV]
Jack : This is bigger than the moon landing.
Wil...Show more »

[Watching the first gay kiss on network TV]
Jack : This is bigger than the moon landing.
Will : One giant leap for man-on-man kind.
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Ben Doucette : Yes you will.
Will : No I won't.
Ben Doucette : Yes you will.
Will : No I wo...Show more »

Ben Doucette : Yes you will.
Will : No I won't.
Ben Doucette : Yes you will.
Will : No I won't.
Ben Doucette : You know, it's a little ironic. Thirty years of legal experience between us, and this is how we argue. And yes you will.
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[Playing poker]
Will : Don't you know that a Queen always beats a Straight?

Will : Jack, I'm asking you to be my kid's godfather. Or rather, his fairy godfather.

Will : I don't hate Andy, I like Andy.
Grace : Well, Humphrey Bogart liked Ingrid Bergman but he ...Show more »

Will : I don't hate Andy, I like Andy.
Grace : Well, Humphrey Bogart liked Ingrid Bergman but he gave her up for the good of the Resistance.
Will : Have you been swinging from powerlines?
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Will : I just spent an hour with Nathan at the Tight End.
Grace : Oh God, if you're gonna tell me...Show more »

Will : I just spent an hour with Nathan at the Tight End.
Grace : Oh God, if you're gonna tell me he's gay I'm gonna have a freakin' heart attack.
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Alex : [on the phone] Come on Will, tell the truth, you're actually a married man with wife and ki...Show more »

Alex : [on the phone] Come on Will, tell the truth, you're actually a married man with wife and kids with no intention to ever see me again.
Will : Nothing could be more far away from the truth.
Grace : [entering and yelling] Good Morning sweety. Oh my God, is that bacon? I love you, I love you, I love you.
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Grace : Fine, I don't need to go out with you guys. I have a kick ass night planned.
Will : OK, a...Show more »

Grace : Fine, I don't need to go out with you guys. I have a kick ass night planned.
Will : OK, ant traps are under the sink.
Grace : Thanks.
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[Will goes to see a psychic]
Psychic Sue : I see a man in your life. You're going to spend the ...Show more »

[Will goes to see a psychic]
Psychic Sue : I see a man in your life. You're going to spend the rest of your life with this man.
Will : Ok, ok, tell me more.
Psychic Sue : His name starts with a "J". Like Jake... no Jack.
[Will looks sick]
Psychic Sue : Do you know anyone named Jack?
Will : [looks ready to cry] No...
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[after someone asks Will what his name is]
Will : I'm Truman. Will Truman. And I really didn't ...Show more »

[after someone asks Will what his name is]
Will : I'm Truman. Will Truman. And I really didn't mean to say that in a Bond. James Bond kind of way.
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Will : When you saw Kevin Spacey you tried to get back those nine bucks you paid for "K-Pax". I beli...Show more »

Will : When you saw Kevin Spacey you tried to get back those nine bucks you paid for "K-Pax". I believe your exact words were: "hey Spacey, pay it forward."
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Jack : He makes me want to be a bigger man.
Will : You mean a BETTER man.
Jack : That too.

[about newly gay man Barry]
Jack : Will, you don't understand. We have to help the new gays. Nu...Show more »

[about newly gay man Barry]
Jack : Will, you don't understand. We have to help the new gays. Nurture them, make them beautiful. We have to Gay It Forward.
Will : How long have you been sitting on that one?
Jack : Since the movie came out.
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[a year after his coming out, to Jack]
Will : You've been like a sherpa through the Himalyas of...Show more »

[a year after his coming out, to Jack]
Will : You've been like a sherpa through the Himalyas of... him-a-laying.
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Karen : [entering Will and Grace's apartment, panicked] Help me. Hide me. She's after me.
Will ...Show more »

Karen : [entering Will and Grace's apartment, panicked] Help me. Hide me. She's after me.
Will : Wh-what's the matter, does your stepdaughter want a hug?
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Will : Stanley Walker was a great man.
Grace : A nice man.
Jack : A FAT man.
Will : He was ...Show more »

Will : Stanley Walker was a great man.
Grace : A nice man.
Jack : A FAT man.
Will : He was a decent man.
Grace : A kind man.
Jack : A surprisingly good dancer.
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Lorraine : You're a fancy dresser. Are you English?
Will : Oh no, I'm gay.
Lorraine : Well, it...Show more »

Lorraine : You're a fancy dresser. Are you English?
Will : Oh no, I'm gay.
Lorraine : Well, its the same thing.
Will : If that weren't true, I'd find that offensive.
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[Will invited Jack's mom to their Thanksgiving dinner]
Jack : The woman is a monster, and you c...Show more »

[Will invited Jack's mom to their Thanksgiving dinner]
Jack : The woman is a monster, and you clearly did this to torture me.
Will : I did not. That was just an unexpected bonus, really.
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Barry : I'm sorry I'm late. I didn't know what to wear for our second homosexual date.
Will : Oh,...Show more »

Barry : I'm sorry I'm late. I didn't know what to wear for our second homosexual date.
Will : Oh, traditionally, whatever's hanging on your homosexual chair in your homosexual bedroom.
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[Will and Jack are reading the newspaper]
Will : Yes. Intel is up 2-and-a-half points.
Jack ...Show more »

[Will and Jack are reading the newspaper]
Will : Yes. Intel is up 2-and-a-half points.
Jack : Yes. My gym just got trampolines.
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Jack : [to Grace] What I know is, a grown woman shouldn't wear pigtails.
Will : Yeah, what's th...Show more »

Jack : [to Grace] What I know is, a grown woman shouldn't wear pigtails.
Will : Yeah, what's that about, Pipi?
Grace : You know, I really didn't want to be invited to the 'bitch brunch'.
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[about Jack's father]
Jack : He was the source of all my talent.
Will : But Jack... you don'...Show more »

[about Jack's father]
Jack : He was the source of all my talent.
Will : But Jack... you don't have any talent.
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Grace : OK, this has been driving me crazy, and I can't keep it in any longer. There's something I r...Show more »

Grace : OK, this has been driving me crazy, and I can't keep it in any longer. There's something I really need to tell you. I have been dating your shrink.
Will : [in unison with Grace] Dating my shrink.
Grace : How did you know?
Will : Well, let's just say he's used my sessions to figure out a way to get into Graceland.
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[Leo has to tell everyone to go home]
Dr. Leo Markus : Okay, everyone... look, you're not gonna...Show more »

[Leo has to tell everyone to go home]
Dr. Leo Markus : Okay, everyone... look, you're not gonna like what you're about to hear...
[Grace comes in, singing]
Will : Well, to be fair, he DID say we weren't gonna like what we were about to hear.
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[on top of a building just before Grace's wedding]
Grace : We have been up here before, remembe...Show more »

[on top of a building just before Grace's wedding]
Grace : We have been up here before, remember?
Will : No, that building was across the street from that juice store.
Grace : Paradise Juice. See right where that parking lot is.
Will : They paved paradise and put up a parking lot.
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[Val has stolen Grace's music box, which plays "Hava Nagila", and claimed it is hers]
Will : Ho...Show more »

[Val has stolen Grace's music box, which plays "Hava Nagila", and claimed it is hers]
Will : How long have you had it?
Val : Oh, for, like, forever.
Will : Oh, what's it play?
Val : This old Irish song that I love.
Will : Sweet. Can I hear it?
Val : Sure.
[opens the music box, singing along]
Val : Gosh and begorra, gosh and begorra, gosh and begorra, my Irish eyes...
Grace : [shrieking] It's 'Hava Nagila'! It's not an Irish song! It's an ancient Hebrew song about... something Jewish!
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Will : You mean I just let a gorgeous guy who cooks, makes his own jewelry, and who was totally into...Show more »

Will : You mean I just let a gorgeous guy who cooks, makes his own jewelry, and who was totally into me walk out the door?
Stuart : No, actually. First you called him a filthy stinkin' ho, then you told him to get to a clinic, then he sort of ran out the door.
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Jack : You cannot believe the day I had. Something must be dont.
Will : Ohh look, it's the Notori...Show more »

Jack : You cannot believe the day I had. Something must be dont.
Will : Ohh look, it's the Notorious FAG.
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Grace : Who's Diane?
Jack : Oh, Diane is the woman Will slept with after he broke up with you. Yo...Show more »

Grace : Who's Diane?
Jack : Oh, Diane is the woman Will slept with after he broke up with you. You knew about that. You told her.
[Grace looks hurt]
Jack : You didn't know about that? You didn't tell her?
[Grace gets up and walks out]
Will : Wait, Grace. Jack, when we get home I am going to rip your heart out through your foot.
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[On Karen in divorce court]
Will : It's been a difficult day... watching Joan Crawford address ...Show more »

[On Karen in divorce court]
Will : It's been a difficult day... watching Joan Crawford address Pepsi-Co...
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[Will is telling Grace about his sexual encounter with a woman after he dumped Grace]
Will : Gr...Show more »

[Will is telling Grace about his sexual encounter with a woman after he dumped Grace]
Will : Grace, I just wanted to see for sure. It was really bad.
Grace : Well, why couldn't it have been bad with me?
Will : Because I love you. I had to do it with someone I didn't love. And I love you. I couldn't do that to you.
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[Will and Grace are playing Pictionary]
Grace : A duck. A chicken. An emu. Uma Thurman. Shamu. ...Show more »

[Will and Grace are playing Pictionary]
Grace : A duck. A chicken. An emu. Uma Thurman. Shamu. Okay, no. Okay. The sun. The moon. Reverend Sun Myung Moon. An eclipse. Eclair. Claire Danes. A great dane. Dame Judy Dench. Dame Maggie Smith...
Will : Enough with the dames.
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Karen : Oh yeah, real rough day for you. Meanwhile, my soon-to-be ex-husband is trying to screw me o...Show more »

Karen : Oh yeah, real rough day for you. Meanwhile, my soon-to-be ex-husband is trying to screw me over. I gave that man the drunkest years of my life.
Will : Stop saying that here. Stop saying that to the judge.
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Will : Ahh Jack. Cute as a button, but not quite as smart.

Will : This guy I had a date with tonight, used to be straight. I was his first homosexual date.
...Show more »

Will : This guy I had a date with tonight, used to be straight. I was his first homosexual date.
Jack : What. He just can't start sleeping with guys, who is he, Anne Heche?
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Jack : Why are you so angry? Why don't you tell me what this is really about? Oh... my god. You're i...Show more »

Jack : Why are you so angry? Why don't you tell me what this is really about? Oh... my god. You're in love with me, aren't you?
Will : Do you smell toast? Because I think you're having a stroke.
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Karen : Wilma, I forget, which are you these days, gay or straight? Wait, wait! I'll do a little tes...Show more »

Karen : Wilma, I forget, which are you these days, gay or straight? Wait, wait! I'll do a little test. There's a penis and a vagina in a tent and it's on fire. Which one do you save?
Will : Why are they in a tent?
Karen : Oh, Will! I'm trying to do you a favor. I want to hook you up with my cousin Barry!
Jack : What? Why him? He's hideous!
Jack : [to Will:] No you're not.
Jack : [to Karen:] He's revolting!
Jack : [to Will:] That's not true.
Jack : [to Karen:] He's disgusting!
Karen : Oh, and when you meet him, where something tight. You've got good stuff in there.
Will : What am I, a sausage?
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Karen : How about a toast...
Karen , Jack : To Will and Grace's baby.
Will : I can't believe y...Show more »

Karen : How about a toast...
Karen , Jack : To Will and Grace's baby.
Will : I can't believe you told her.
Grace : I can't believe you told him.
Will : He doesn't count, he never listens.
Grace : She doesn't count, she's always buzzed.
Karen : Hey, hey, hey. Hey, c'mon now... where are we?
Jack : ...I'm sorry, what?
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Will : You don't take relationship advice from Karen. You get advice on, I don't know, what wine goe...Show more »

Will : You don't take relationship advice from Karen. You get advice on, I don't know, what wine goes with mood stabilizers.
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Will : It's so weird how your eggs have an expiration date. They're just like... eggs.

[about Karen]
Will : She's got a drink in each hand, and probably one in her purse. And she's g...Show more »

[about Karen]
Will : She's got a drink in each hand, and probably one in her purse. And she's got me.
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Will : Karen once told me that Christmas celebrates the birth of our Lord Cartier.

Grace : I see the way you look at me when I shave my legs.
Will : Well, that's because it happens...Show more »

Grace : I see the way you look at me when I shave my legs.
Will : Well, that's because it happens so infrequently, I have to take a minute to figure out what you're doing.
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[Why Paul is dating Will instead of Jack]
Will : Maybe because I read novels rather than Tiger ...Show more »

[Why Paul is dating Will instead of Jack]
Will : Maybe because I read novels rather than Tiger Beat. Maybe because I can finish a sentence without the use of jazz hands. Maybe because my frame of reference extends beyond boy bands and butt-robics, or maybe, just perhaps, it's because he sees a good long-term prospect with me rather than a good hour and a half with you.
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[Grace shows Will a bowl of microwaved mac and cheese]
Grace : Look, Will. We've been cooking.<...Show more »

[Grace shows Will a bowl of microwaved mac and cheese]
Grace : Look, Will. We've been cooking.
Will : Oh, a cuisine of Chef Boy-Are-You-Lazy.
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Will : Your dad's great.
Grace : Yeah, in a parallel universe where my hair is straight and so ar...Show more »

Will : Your dad's great.
Grace : Yeah, in a parallel universe where my hair is straight and so are you.
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Will : "I am Mr Stein." Say it.
Mr. Stein : It.

Mr. Stein : I like you, Will. You remind me of a young me.
[pauses]
Mr. Stein : Do you know ...Show more »

Mr. Stein : I like you, Will. You remind me of a young me.
[pauses]
Mr. Stein : Do you know where my red wagon is?
Will : Uhh... no. I'll have to ask mom.
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Karen : How badly do you want to be my lawyer?
Will : Very badly.
Karen : Badly enough to suck...Show more »

Karen : How badly do you want to be my lawyer?
Will : Very badly.
Karen : Badly enough to suck that peanut off the table?
Will : Karen, I'm not gonna...
Karen : Suck it.
[Will bends over and sucks the peanut off the table]
Will : God, I hope that was a peanut.
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Will : [to Jack] Oh my God, it's finally happened. You've gotten so gay that you looped around to ...Show more »

Will : [to Jack] Oh my God, it's finally happened. You've gotten so gay that you looped around to straight again.
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Will : Karen, I am a lawyer, which means, unlike you, I actually *passed* a bar.

Karen : What's so great about another person anyway? All they do is manhandle your boobs and eat all...Show more »

Karen : What's so great about another person anyway? All they do is manhandle your boobs and eat all the ham.
Will : Yeah. And get hair gel all over your pillow and move around your bedside table figurines.
Mr Stein : And cut your tie in half and make you call yourself Nancy...
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Will : [about Stan] He didn't find out about your affair, did he?
Karen : No. Thank God my boob...Show more »

Will : [about Stan] He didn't find out about your affair, did he?
Karen : No. Thank God my boobs are like arms. I was able to distract Stan with one of them while the other one motioned for Lionel to get out the door.
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Will : [on Grace] She's crazy. And just when you think you've reached the bottom of her craziness,...Show more »

Will : [on Grace] She's crazy. And just when you think you've reached the bottom of her craziness, there's a crazy underground garage.
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[talking to Grace about why they don't think as one anymore after living apart]
Will : We've lo...Show more »

[talking to Grace about why they don't think as one anymore after living apart]
Will : We've lost our mojo.
[pause]
Will : Or in this case, our homo-jo
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Will : Well, you should be happy you didn't take a ride on the Truman Train.
Leo : Train? There w...Show more »

Will : Well, you should be happy you didn't take a ride on the Truman Train.
Leo : Train? There was one passenger.
Will : Yeah... but at least she got off.
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Will : [telling Grace how she's lucky she didn't have sex with him] Yeah, a ride on the Truman tra...Show more »

Will : [telling Grace how she's lucky she didn't have sex with him] Yeah, a ride on the Truman train could have ruined you for life.
Leo : Train? Train? You had one passenger.
Will : Yeah, but at least she got off.
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[Will's elementary school nemesis, Kevin Wolchek, has come to work at his firm]
Grace : Sweetie...Show more »

[Will's elementary school nemesis, Kevin Wolchek, has come to work at his firm]
Grace : Sweetie, are you gonna be okay? You sure you don't want me to stick around in case Kevin comes back? You know I'm a good biter. I once bit a jump rope in half.
Will : Why?
Grace : [pause] What d'you mean, "why"?
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Jack : Will, you're going to be a great dad because for the past 10 years you've been a great one to...Show more »

Jack : Will, you're going to be a great dad because for the past 10 years you've been a great one to me.
Will : Wanna stop for ice cream?
Jack : Nah.
Will : Want to go to a bar and look at hot guys?
Jack : I love you daddy.
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[Will and Jack are in the car and Will does "the soccer mom arm save"]
Will : I just don't thin...Show more »

[Will and Jack are in the car and Will does "the soccer mom arm save"]
Will : I just don't think I'm cut out to be a dad.
Jack : What are you talking about? You just did the soccer mom arm save.
Will : So?
Jack : So, you have the instinct.
Will : That wasn't the instinct of a dad, that was the instinct of a person who didn't take out insurance on his passenger.
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[Nathan gives Will a wet willie]
Will : Now if you excuse me, I'm going to dip my head in alcoh...Show more »

[Nathan gives Will a wet willie]
Will : Now if you excuse me, I'm going to dip my head in alcohol.
Karen : Oh! Wait for me!
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[after getting off the phone with Grace after telling her that he kissed another woman]
Leo : S...Show more »

[after getting off the phone with Grace after telling her that he kissed another woman]
Leo : She said she never wants to see me again.
Will : Oh, well, I'll talk to her, don't worry, she'll come around.
Leo : Uh, there's more that I didn't tell you. The woman I kissed, well, I didn't just kiss her. I slept with her. But you're still going to talk to Grace for me, right?
Will : Uh, no. Now you're on your own.
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Jack : Today is an important day for you. You're not just losing a friend, you're losing a hag.
W...Show more »

Jack : Today is an important day for you. You're not just losing a friend, you're losing a hag.
Will : She is not my hag. She's just a single woman who used to be in love with me and who hasn't spent a day away from me since college.
[sighs]
Will : She's been a good hag.
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Will : [about Jack] A man who stared humiliation in the face and said: Don't I know you?

Will : Of course I understand the gravity of the situation, otherwise, could my pants do this?

Will : Where's all the Chinese food?
Grace : Oh, I opened it up and started to eat it and then I ...Show more »

Will : Where's all the Chinese food?
Grace : Oh, I opened it up and started to eat it and then I noticed a hair in it. So I called the restaurant to complain and they were like "Well, how do you know its not your hair?" and I said "Well, I know what my hair tastes like." Anyway, I got so disgusted, I threw it all out.
Will : You ate all of it, didn't you?
Grace : Yes, I did.
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Barry : I can't go out with the guy. He's an all star, I'm barely in the minors.
Will : Sports ag...Show more »

Barry : I can't go out with the guy. He's an all star, I'm barely in the minors.
Will : Sports again? What did I tell you to say when you have thoughts like that?
Barry : Oh, yeah. Liza, Judy, Barbara, Bette, these are names I shant forget.
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[Will's date has just called to say he's running late]
Jack : Will, have you totally forgotten ...Show more »

[Will's date has just called to say he's running late]
Jack : Will, have you totally forgotten how to speak our language? 'Running late' is gay for 'I'm blowing you off.'
Will : Really. What's gay for 'get out'?
Jack : That would be 'good morning.'
[pause]
Will : [at the same time as Jack] Good morning, Jack.
[Jack leaves]
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[Karen is running a scam with her con-artist mother, and she is wearing a sweatshirt that says 'I Lo...Show more »

[Karen is running a scam with her con-artist mother, and she is wearing a sweatshirt that says 'I Loves Me Kitty']
Jack : Oh, my God, I have that same shirt! Except, um, mine has a big rooster on it, and it says 'I love me big, red - '
Will : Jack!
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[Jack and Will are shopping]
Jack : Will, I found it. The single CD shower companion.
[high-...Show more »

[Jack and Will are shopping]
Jack : Will, I found it. The single CD shower companion.
[high-pitched]
Jack : 'Cause you can never have too many companions in the shower!
Will : Jack. Isn't that why your membership to the 'Y' was revoked?
[they see Leo at the counter]
Jack : Ooh, check out the man-cake at the counter.
Will : I know that guy. That's that horse guy.
Jack : Ooh, me likes the sound of that! Come on, intro-seduce me.
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Marilyn Truman : Oh, you've got my favourite movie, Splendor in the Grass!-pause- What? Well, that's...Show more »

Marilyn Truman : Oh, you've got my favourite movie, Splendor in the Grass!-pause- What? Well, that's careless, they left off the G and the R.
[shrugs]
Marilyn Truman : Shall I pop it in?
Will : Ironically, that's the first line of the movie.
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Grace : Will, I'm serious. I haven't made any of the major decisions. I mean, who will I give my thi...Show more »

Grace : Will, I'm serious. I haven't made any of the major decisions. I mean, who will I give my things to? What will happen to my business? Where will I be buried?
Will : Well, your business will go under. Your things are my things, so I'll just take them back. And I always figured I'd have you stuffed, and keep you by the front door to prop up umbrellas.
Grace : I wanna do a will.
Will : Yeah, well, get in line behind all the other ladies!
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Kevin Bacon : When the stalkers leave, it's the first sign that your career is slipping. Little tidb...Show more »

Kevin Bacon : When the stalkers leave, it's the first sign that your career is slipping. Little tidbit I picked up from Val Kilmer.
Will : Wait, you did a movie with Val Kilmer?
Kevin Bacon : No, but Val was in "Top Gun" with Tom Cruise and Tom was in "A Few Good Men" with me.
[pause]
Kevin Bacon : Huh, that was a short one.
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Deirdre : We hear you and Grace have made quite a name for yourselves on the west side. Kudos.
Wi...Show more »

Deirdre : We hear you and Grace have made quite a name for yourselves on the west side. Kudos.
Will : Thank you.
Deirdre : No, I see you have a box of kudos on your desk.
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Jack : Will, something bad happened.
Will : What?
Jack : I got turned on by that lap dancer!Show more »

Jack : Will, something bad happened.
Will : What?
Jack : I got turned on by that lap dancer!
Will : Are you sure?
Jack : Look, I know the difference between 6:00 and 12:00 and this was definitely Midnight at the Oasis!
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Grace : It just creeps me out. Like anything that ends with "mini-teeth" or "mini-hair".
Will : H...Show more »

Grace : It just creeps me out. Like anything that ends with "mini-teeth" or "mini-hair".
Will : Here we go...
Grace : On the Discovery Channel, there was this guy with a tumor that had mini-teeth and mini-hair, and when they poked it, it said "Ow"!
Will : It did not say "Ow".
Grace : Well, if it had mini-lips, it would have.
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[talking to Grace about a bad experience with a psychic]
Will : I mean, who calls themselves "P...Show more »

[talking to Grace about a bad experience with a psychic]
Will : I mean, who calls themselves "Psychic Sue"? It's like me calling myself "Lawyer Will" or you calling yourself "Designer Grace" or Jack calling himself "Jumping Ferret Jack."
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Will : This is a gay landmark!
Jack : The hospital where Judy Garland spewed out Liza Minnelli is...Show more »

Will : This is a gay landmark!
Jack : The hospital where Judy Garland spewed out Liza Minnelli is a gay landmark! This is just a bookstore.
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Will : C3PO isn't Gay, he's British!

[Will has quit his job and now wants to be a writer; they are now at a party]
Will : Oh, Rosari...Show more »

[Will has quit his job and now wants to be a writer; they are now at a party]
Will : Oh, Rosario, I - look, I'm doing some writing on social injustice, you know, the battle between the classes?
Rosario : You want to interview me?
Will : No, no, I just want to jot something down. Could you hold my glass?
Rosario : [mad] Sleep with your lights on, white devil. Your time is coming.
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Will Truman, Himself (Will)

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